'I Want to Act': A Realization Over Three Years as an Idol

Currently, I usually work as an actor. I mainly focus on stage performances, but besides that, recently I've also been trying my hand at commercials and short videos. Also, I started working at an immersive café, doing immersive theater, which is quite popular lately. I'm involved in various things. Yes, basically, stage is my main focus, I'm a stage actor. When I mention my title, I say that I'm allowed to work as an actor.

I'm freelancing, managing everything on my own. I've always thought about joining an agency, but agencies can be deceptive, right? I'm a bit scared, so I haven't had the chance yet. However, even as a freelancer, I can find work on my own, and since this job is all about connections with people, it works out fine. I'm not particularly struggling, so...

I started by joining a theater troupe. I've been acting since I was in elementary school, and back then, I was part of a troupe. I quit around middle school and became a student, sort of freelancing. Then, I joined a troupe that went on local and school tours, and after that, I've been freelancing again. Work really comes from connections with people, so I often get introduced by someone's acquaintance. Also, I look for auditions on websites and apply, or I apply for commercials on recruitment sites, that sort of thing. I often go out of my way to find opportunities. Co-stars from stage performances often say, 'I'm directing, won't you join?' That happens a lot. Though there were times when I wasn't acting, I think I've been doing it for about 15 years. How many years have I been freelancing? I was an idol until the end of August last year. So, it's been about half a year since then. Even before that, I was freelancing, so...

When I was about 5 years old, I saw a performance by the Shiki Theatre Company. I was so moved, although I don't remember much, but I was incredibly touched, and my previously gray life suddenly became colorful. From then on, I said, 'I want to act,' and joined a troupe. I've been doing it ever since. Well, I've been choosing it continuously, but I never felt like choosing anything else. I'm quite fickle, actually. But somehow, I never got tired of it, I've always loved it, and I've always been passionate about it. Well, even though I was an idol for 3 years, during that time as an idol, I realized how much I love acting. I couldn't do it, so during my idol days, I kept thinking, 'I really want to act.' And also, I love children. So, I had a strong desire to deliver more acting to children. But, it's only been about 3 years since I started thinking concretely about the future, rather than just doing it.

I've never had a regular job, so I don't know, but it's a job where you have to constantly confront yourself. And, during rehearsal periods, the time spent rehearsing, practicing, is really... how should I put it... you have to keep pursuing the unknown. That's fun, but there are times when I think it's tough. There are times when it gets tough. Depending on the role, it can be tough to perform. I start to wonder, 'Why am I playing this role?' Even though it's not me, I project myself onto it, and it can become tough. And also, just being a stage actor alone makes it difficult to make a living, so you have to keep challenging yourself in various ways, like in film. There's a bitterness in that, in theater, everyone says it's tough. Many people have part-time jobs while doing it.

Rehearsals are long. Recently, they've become shorter, they say, but I spend 5 to 6 hours. But rehearsals are incredibly tough, I think. Because you have to do the same thing over and over and over again. And you have to include your lines too. When that happens, I suddenly think, 'I'm doing something completely different from a regular job.' Because you do the same scene multiple times, like saying 'Good morning' ten times a day. And then, 'That's not right.' 'What's wrong?' Sometimes, after a day, I suddenly think, 'Oh, this is it.' 'This is what they meant.' I'm the type who takes things home and keeps thinking, 'How about this, what about that,' and suddenly has an epiphany. So, even when they say, 'This is how it is now,' I keep thinking, 'I don't get it,' while doing it.

But when the audience is happy and says things like, 'I want to see more,' 'I really like your acting,' or 'I'm glad I encountered this work,' I think it's worth it. When they say things like, 'I'll do my best tomorrow too,' because of my acting, I think to myself, 'Acting is great.'

An actor is essentially a human, isn't it? So, only what comes out of that human can be shown. In the end, if you don't grow as a person, your range of roles won't expand, and you can only show what you have. So, I think the only way is to expand your own range. Even if I have daily worries or think, 'This is tough,' I can persevere thinking it's for the sake of acting, that it's part of my growth. I think that growing as a person leads to growth as an actor. It's the accumulation of daily efforts. I always think acting is interesting. I can grow as a person through acting. There are many situations where I wouldn't have grown if I weren't an actor. I think it's been worth it.

I don't have infinite stamina, so it's not much of a burden. But, you know, some works include dance or action on stage, so when those continue, I sometimes think, 'Ouch, my back,' or 'Ouch, my legs.' I sometimes make already injured areas worse, forcing myself to perform because it's the final show. But I keep going, thinking it'll get better in a few days.

I had the opportunity to perform in a very long-running show, for a month in the same theater, and then we toured to Nagoya for two weeks. I played the heroine in a play where everyone talked a lot. It was a police story, and I couldn't talk much, and I'd never been a police officer, so I was always being told, 'Be more assertive,' during rehearsals, and it was tough. But as the final performance approached, the director said, 'You did a great job,' and I realized that all the hardships had paid off. Thanks to that difficult period, I had become able to deliver my performance. It made me realize again that theater isn't just about fun, but that the tough times accumulate too.

The turning point, or the big difference I felt, was before and after being an idol. After all, the number of people coming to see me increased, so after quitting being an idol, I felt my reputation changed quite a bit. Before, I didn't think about it at all, I just wanted to be able to do it. Thinking about it now, after quitting, I can show that 'this many people will come to see me,' and 'I've done this until now.' So, after quitting, it became firmly established in my mind.

I think it's humanity. Humanity is really everything. Even just replying to an offer email with 'Thank you for your message,' makes you seem reliable, right? That kind of strength, and also the way you approach people, I think that makes a difference. If two people have the same role, the same level, and can dance equally well, you'd definitely choose the one with more humanity. I've been thinking that's the most important thing lately.

I consciously try to watch a lot of different works. Whether it's stage performances or movies, I consciously make an effort to watch them. Really, in my daily life, if I think, 'That person is interesting,' I watch them, and that's something I've been doing all the time. I think constantly thinking about acting is the closest way, so I'm conscious of that.

When I was a child, I was inspired by watching a play, so if I could increase the number of such children, it would be good for them too. And, it's a bit selfish, but acting is now in decline compared to movies, dramas, and short dramas. So, I want as many people as possible to see acting, thinking that if they get into the habit of watching plays from childhood, they'll continue to watch them as adults. It's not such a grand thing, but I want to deliver it to as many people as possible, hoping the charm of theater reaches them.

I'd like to produce a theater work, a stage performance. After all, until you try it, you don't know how much effort or money it takes, or if it's really suited for you. And when you become the creator, things change, I'm sure. So, I'd like to do that as a group. I'd also like to help with production tasks other than acting, connect with various wonderful actors, see if they fit, and consciously pay attention to areas I haven't focused on much before.

I think if you do what you want to do in your own way, a path will naturally open up. I think you should have a strong will, incorporate everything necessary for it, and keep going.